I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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