so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
