I wish I only lived at night.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize