Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
