i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
