the new term for farting is butt boxing.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize