Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
