you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
