Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
