dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
