ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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