So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
