I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
