we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
