The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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