His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
