Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
