He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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