btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I understand Curling. That high.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
