So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
