my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
