Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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