dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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