M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize