lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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