Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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