how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize