they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
