if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
