I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
