you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize