I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
