I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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