i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
