Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
