Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
