you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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