Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
