her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
