Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
