if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
