just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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