He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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