I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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