only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
