C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wear drunk well.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
