Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
