dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
