honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
