hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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