Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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