I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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