stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
