There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
