FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
