you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
