All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
