That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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