In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
