; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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