where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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