Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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