How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
