I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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