His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
