I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
