Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
