mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
