You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
