Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
