Whod you bang
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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