Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
