I hate your face
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
