i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
