handjob tips. give me some.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
