I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
