I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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