I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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