I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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