I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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