you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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