I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
