So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
