North Korea, Best Korea!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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