we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
