Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
