i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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