she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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