Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
